What exactly is gratitude?
I have have been reflecting on gratitude the last couple weeks. In my last post I referenced the hedonic treadmill. I briefly offered gratitude as a way to address the never ending cycle of the hedonic treadmill. Then an opportunity presented itself, I was asked to teach an adult Sunday school class on gratitude. The best way to learn something is to teach it? Or at least fake it until you make it. As I said I had been pondering it for a while. When I went back and reviewed some of my posts I realized that gratitude was not often specifically mentioned. When I search my blog for the word gratitude only a few post show up. In most cases gratitude is not discussed in depth but is merely used as a synonym for thankful. However many of my post could have easily diverted to a discussion about gratitude.
Is gratitude really just a synonym for thankful? Why does gratitude seem so elusive? I could be over thinking this but I truly think that gratitude is a extremely important concept. It should not be swept under the rug as a "nice" thing. It is definitely more than platitudes and cat posters. These can get us started but cannot take us to full and deep state of gratitude. Interest in the topic of gratitude is evidenced by the large number of google search responses to the question "what is gratitude?".
One of my first observation regarding gratitude is our assumption that gratitude will come to us when the environment dictates it. For most of us we would expect to be grateful when we receive an unexpected windfall. Would I be grateful if I won a multi million dollar lottery? I expect I would, but would I really embody the proper spirit of gratitude? There are a number of unpleasant stories of Lottery winners squandering their winnings in a matter of years. I am sure that these are extreme examples and that the majority of winners took their windfall and continued to live their lives. However it does point out that receiving a sizable unexpected gift is no assurance of gratitude.
Another assumption is associating gratitude with positive events. Doing some basic reviews of on line sources I noticed a distinct divide between secular and religious sites. Secular sites seem more likely to make this association. The site positive psychology defines gratitude as:
Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation. The American Psychological Association (n.d.) more specifically defines this phenomenon as a sense of happiness and thankfulness in response to a fortunate happenstance or tangible gift.
Many religious sources ask us to be grateful even when life is difficult. James tells us:
Count it all joy, my brothers,[a] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James is telling us to be joyful in all circumstances even difficult ones. However as I read through some of the secular resources on gratitude they also recognize gratefulness and difficult circumstances. The positive psychology site has an excellent video by para Olympian Tye Dutcher. Tye Dutcher recounts the accident that cost him his foot and how gratefulness was the key component of his ability to deal with it. Gratitude played it's part before he gained success as a para athlete.
Another difference between religious and secular sources is the how gratitude is categorized. As the definition states above the secular site describes gratitude as an emotion. Religious sites classify it as a discipline. From a ministry site
Truth be told, gratitude is more than a passive attitude; it’s very much a discipline of grace we can choose to practice.
Here are a couple of my thoughts that separate gratitude from being appreciative or thankful.
Gratitude is specific. I noted earlier in this post about an adult Sunday school class I taught about gratitude. One of the exercises I had people do was to identify what they are grateful for. I had one constraint. They could not list any of the obvious things (friends, family, health or church). Some chose to ignore me and listed some of the obvious things. However they took it a step further. Some who listed family disclosed very specific traits of family members that they were grateful for. Some that said church, had very specific events and memories that they were grateful for.
Gratitude is difficult. Gratitude rarely falls in our lap. It has to be a deliberate choice. A lot of events occur to enhance our daily lives. A trip to the grocery store to purchase eggs should be an endeavor full of gratitude. A farmer raised and fed the chicken, workers carefully packed and shipped the eggs to the store. Grocery works placed them in refrigerated display cases. Those cases are maintained by technicians. Baggers are careful when placing the eggs in your bags. There is a lot to be grateful for when that egg hits your breakfast plate. Gratitude is also difficult when associated with a painful event. Watching Tye Dutcher's video you will notice that he had to pause a couple times as he dealt with the painful memories of his accident.
Gratitude is a choice. Since gratitude rarely falls in our laps we have to make a choice to seek it. It may not be right in front of us. In a previous post I recounted my gratitude of a meal of pork chops and green beans. The gratitude stemmed not from the single meal but from the realization that in 37 years of marriage that my wife and I have served each other this meal over 400 times (pork chops once a month/ 37 years of marriage X 12 months per year = 444 months). That means that this meal represents over 400 times we cared for each other. I am sure there were times when neither of us felt like cooking but we did it anyway. Without the choice to be grateful how would I ever think 400 meals of pork chops and green beans were important.
Gratitude emanates. True gratitude not only benefits the person that choses to be grateful it also has a positive impact on everyone they interact with. In the Buddhism gratitude is a way to be more present, a way to be more aware of the interconnectedness of all beings. In the Tye Dutcher video he speaks about gratitude and its affect on his father. People who are truly grateful cannot help but return kindness. The reciprocated kindness leads to further gratefulness.
Gratitude is a discipline. Again, I see the dissimilatory between secular and religious sources. Many religious sites identify gratitude as a discipline. As a discipline it needs to be practiced on a regular basis. However, secular sites are quick to point out the activities one must engage in to be grateful. Secular sites seem to acknowledge gratitude as a discipline without actually using the term. If I look over my previous thoughts, they represent activities and circumstances that support classifying gratitude as a discipline. Yes it is a simple math exercise to estimate the number of times you have eaten pork chops. How many times have you done it? Express gratitude for a friendship is fine but to be aware enough to convey it and specify the elements that you are grateful for. The difficulty of being truly grateful can also lead us to forget our choice to be grateful. Daily practices (see link below) helps us to avoid the business of life hindering our gratefulness.
Probably the greatest obstacle to gratitude is our own self centeredness. Daily practices such as journaling and meditation help us avoid this stumbling block. Even if life's trials get in the way there is nothing wrong with faking it until you make it.
Had to add a cat poster
Helpful links
Buddhism and gratitude; This is generated by google AI and this link is dynamic.
How to practice Gratitude Journaling always is at the top of these lists
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